TEMBA Gazette, Running Commentary, April 10, 2009

There will be no clever analogies. No humorous antidotes. Don’t expect to find any thought-provoking analysis. Nope, this commentary cannot promise any of that. At this point, some of you are probably wondering why that would differ from any of my previous columns – and you probably have a point. But this is different. You see, today is Day 4 of my Caffeine Reduction Action Plan or, as I like to call it, CRAP, for that is how I feel. My head is pounding. I am irritable, or at least more so than I usually am – just ask Francie. I can barely keep my eyes open long enough to type this sentence. Yes, after many years of gluttonous coffee consumption, I am attempting to limit my java intake to one cup - one measly twelve-ounce cup - per day.

Why? I would like to say that it represents some noble gesture on my part to cleanse my body of any impurities. I would like to say it is about willpower and being able to give up a vice for good. I would like to say that I lost a bet. But no, sadly I can’t say any of that. The real reason is simply because I was drinking so much coffee it would make your head spin. Actually, let me rephrase that. I was drinking so much coffee it was making MY head spin – literally.

What do I mean? A few weeks ago, I began experiencing momentary bouts of dizziness. It would come and go and I initially ignored it – typical male response I suppose. After a week of this, I got a little concerned. It wasn't quite vertigo and I never felt like I was going to faint. It was more like the feeling you get when you try on a new pair of glasses with a stronger prescription, if that makes any sense. I was in the thick of marathon training, so initially thought it had something to do with my hydration level – not enough water I thought. So I began feverishly gulping water. The dizziness continued. Fearing the worst, I was about to schedule a doctor's visit when I realized something - the dizziness was usually occurring after I consumed a cup of coffee. I monitored this for a few days and confirmed this to be the case. I gradually reduced my daily intake and the dizziness went away. By Monday I was down to one, maybe one and one-half cups per day and that now seems to be doing the trick, though I am starting to wonder if a little dizziness is better than a pounding headache.

Now, I have no idea if this will be a permanent thing or if I will be back to my regular caffeinated self in a few weeks. What I do know is that this is potentially damaging news for the local coffeehouse economy. A recent Ad Age report revealed that 60% of the population is scaling back on specialty coffee. The reasons given by the respondents were overwhelmingly driven by the current economy. In fact, nearly 90% cited the economy as the main reason for their cutbacks.

Now couple this with the sudden demise of one of Austin’s more prolific coffee drinkers and the results could be devastating. Consider that the average American consumes 3.1 cups of coffee per day. I, on the other hand, was in the 10 to 12 range, sometimes more, before this week. So, from a statistical standpoint, I probably equate to four consumers. Consider also that I cleverly incorporated coffee into my work routine with the Wednesday morning coffee hours. Not only does that result in two solid hours of consumption by me, but also brings in, on average, three or four additional people to some of our city’s finest coffee venues. Francie has long believed that we bought our house in Memphis because it was a block from my favorite coffee shop. That would be ridiculous, right? Well, no, she was right. It’s also probably more than just a coincidence that the place closed down a few months after we moved. So you can see the potential problem here.

I would hate for some of our fine coffee establishments to suffer as a result of my sudden caffeine teetotalism, so I’m asking you all for a favor. Pick up my slack. Drop by your favorite coffee shop and stimulate the economy and yourself with a little caffeine goodness. Sure, you might experience a little dizziness, but it’s a hell of a lot better than decaf.